Emmett Eats His Words
by JayJayHale
Summary: Emmett has teased Edward and Bella about their quiet sex life and framkly they have had enough. What do they young couple do to get Emmett to cringe and run screaming for the hills? Bella is a vampire...Nessie does not exist.


**Emmett Eats His Words.**

**Emmett's POV**

"Oh God just like that."

"Fuck. You're so wet."

I grabbed the pillow off my bed and stuffed it around my ears. Rosalie looked at me strangely. She lazily flicked the magazine pages over though I knew she wasn't even reading it. I scrunched my eyes trying to imagine being anywhere but here. I could here the sound of two bodies pounding next door, and it was driving me nuts. I groaned and pounded the pillow harder around my head.

"You know, Emmett, that is not going to drown them out," she said as she winced when another moan hung in the air. I opened my eyes and glared at her.

"Well what do you suggest dear?" I said through clenched teeth. Rosalie's eyes flashed with annoyance, and I knew I had overstepped my mark. She pointed a perfectly manicured finger at me.

"Do not get snarky with me Emmett Cullen. You started all this," she snapped.

I sighed and flopped back down on the bed. She was right of course. Over the past couple of months since we had moved to Alaska to wait out Bella's newborn stage I had teased them relentlessly about their sex life or lack thereof. I mean I knew they were doing the deed, but they were not anything like Rose and I had been. They were too busy looking into each others eyes and whispering terms of endearment to each other. It was utterly sickening.

Of course I also teased them because it embarrassed Bella to no end. Despite being a vampire now (she was now devoid of the blush that used to creep up her face) it was still easy to see when she wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

That, and I was bored. Very, very bored.

"Mmmm Edward. God!! That's it. Harder."

"Oh God," Rose said rolling her eyes. She huffed and tossed the magazine at my head. I ducked and looked at her.

"What the fuck Rosie?"

"If you weren't such a jackass they would still be making silent love to each other instead of pounding away and making me want to blush."

I snorted. "You? Blush?"

Rose raised an eyebrow, crossed her arms and leaned back on the armchair that sat in the corner of our bedroom. She held up three fingers.

"Three… two… one…" she countered off.

"Fuck Edward! Your cock. I want your cock."

My mouth fell open. They had been at it for over 33 hours, and they were getting progressively worse. I was beginning to think they would never stop.

"Why did they have to choose the bedroom next to ours," I moan raking my fingers down my face.

"They chose their bedroom first Emmett. You chose this one to bug _them_ remember?" Rose said standing up. She began to pace stopping every so often when they would say something nasty. Where did Bella learn half this shit? And where did she get the balls to actually say it?

"I wonder how Jazz is dealing with this," Rose mused.

"He's probably crippled from the dick down," I murmured. I flopped on my stomach and pulled the pillow back over my head.

_Hey! A guy can try can't he?_

"Bella you have been a naughty girl haven't you?"

_What? Oh please no!_

I peeked out from my pillow and looked at Rose in horror. Her eyes had widened and her mouth fell open

"Mmmm yes Mr. Cullen. I think I need to be punished."

I shook my head.

_Nonononononononononono!_

_**Smack! **_

"Bad girl."

_**Smack!**_

"He's spanking her," Rose said staring at the wall that separated our two rooms.

"Fuck I will never tease Bella and Edward about their sex life again," I promised. Rose snorted.

"Right Emmett. Like that will ever happen."

"Fuck Rose I was hoping that would get them to stop," I yelled at her.

"As if Emmett. Right now, they are in orgasm land, and I highly doubt they would even notice if a tornado blew through."

"Oh God Edward."

"Yeah baby just like that."

I let out a sob. Rosalie was right. I remember taking out our first home on our wedding night. And we continued our destructive sexual fun for almost a year. Bella and Edward had only just started. My brain was going to be goop by the time they settled down.

"Mmmm Edward harder."

Rose grimaced again and continued her pacing. I started imagining what I would be like in a year. Huddled in a corner drooling on myself. Yep that was going to be me. From the other side of the wall I could hear Bella giggle.

"Oh God Edward? Can we really do that?"

"Oh yeah baby. Now you're as hard as stone it'll be easy."

_God what was he doing to her?_

"Not half hard as you are baby."

_She did not just say that!_

I couldn't take it any longer I jumped up and Rosalie's eyes snapped to mine, confused.

"THAT'S IT! WE ARE OUT OF HERE!!!" I bellowed stalking into our closet.

"Rosie pack your shit. I am not taking this anymore."

If anything happened the moaning and panting increased. This was fucking ridiculous. How did the rest of the family deal with this?

"Oh Edward. I'm going to come."

_Please don't._

"Yeah come for me baby come hard."

I growled and threw the clothes I had scooped up onto the floor. I turned, grabbed Rosie and hoisted her over my shoulder. I was down at the Jeep in an instant. I put Rosie down, and she still looked very confused.

"Fuck it Rose I will buy you new shit. Get in the fucking car."

I was pretty sure she was shocked by my reaction because normally if I had spoken to her like I just did she would be chewing me out. And not in the good way. She opened the door and slid in still staring at me in disbelief.

"Oh Emmett they are not that bad," Esme called from her room. I growled as I turned on the engine.

"They're like rabbits on Viagra Mom. I don't know how you handle it."

"Esme we're going to Europe for a while." I muttered. Rose looked at me and then squealed.

"I'll call you when we touch down," Rose said as she leaned over to hug me. I patted her arm, but was in no mood to hug her back. I just wanted to get the fuck away from the horny little bastards going at it in their room.

"Thank you Rosalie. Have a nice trip."

_Yeah Europe seemed far enough._

**Bella's POV**

"Oh God Edward," I moaned.

"Yeah baby just like that," Edward murmured. I grinned across as my husband. He was sitting casually on the bed reading a medical journal in anticipation for our first year of Dartmouth together. I was sitting on the chaise that rested up against the wall that separated Rosalie's room to ours. My foot was caught under my leg, and I lazily leaned on my elbow. Resting on the chaise in front of me was a first addition Jane Austen book which Alice got me for Christmas. I was barely reading it too engrossed in the sounds we were making.

"Mmmm Edward harder," I purred. Edward glanced up at me and he lifted his hand to pound the wall. As he did it I increased my grunts. We both shook our heads grinning madly at each other. Even though we did make love a lot we were not even close to being _this_ vocal. It was so unlike us. I snapped my shield over his mind.

_How long???_

He held up five finger and mouthed 'minutes'. I nodded silently at him, and he motioned for me to join him on the bed.

_No I'm afraid you'll take advantage of me husband._

He clutched at his heart in mock hurt. I tried to stifle the giggle but thought that maybe it would work in our favour.

"Oh God Edward? Can we really do that?"

Edward grinned evilly. "Oh yeah baby. Now you're as hard as stone it'll be easy."

I smirked. We had been trying to out do each other since we locked ourselves in our room. So far I was winning.

"Not half hard as you are baby."

Edward gaped at me then mouthed 'corny'. I rolled my eyes.

_Just wait Edward._

"THAT'S IT! WE ARE OUT OF HERE!!!" Emmett screamed. "Rosie pack your shit. I am not taking this anymore."

_HA!_

Edward held up his hands and hailed me as the master. It was finally working. Edward and I increased our panting and moaning.

"Oh Edward I'm going to come," I screamed. Edward raised an eyebrow at me and then smiled.

_Melodramatic…sure… but it's going to work, sweets._

"Yeah come for me baby. Come hard," Edward grunted. I almost laughed because his little sneer was so cute the words didn't seem to suit coming out of his mouth. Just then I heard one set of footsteps whiz down to the garage, and I knew Emmett must have tossed Rosalie over his shoulder.

"Fuck it Rose. I will by you new shit. Get in the fucking car."

I gaped at Edward. I couldn't believe Rose had let him talk to her like that. Edward just shrugged and stood up. He walked slowly over to me and held out his hand. I took it and stood up too absorbed in what was happening downstairs.

"Oh Emmett they are not that bad," Esme called from her room. Emmett growled as he started the Jeep.

"Their like rabbits on Viagra Mom. I don't know how you handle it."

I cupped my hand over my mouth to silence the laughter.

"Esme we're going to Europe for a while," Emmett called. I could hear Rose squealing.

_Europe?_

Edward just looked down at me and shrugged. Rose told Esme she would call when they touched down, and Esme thanked her. As the car squealed down the drive Edward and I laughed as we walked downstairs. Alice and Jasper sat on the couch and grinned up at us.

"That was an awesome idea Bella."

I flourished a bow and then motioned for Edward to do the same. As he stood back up Carlisle and Esme entered.

"I love those two, but really they were getting on my nerves," Esme stated taking a seat at the piano bench. Carlisle nodded in agreement as he sat down next to Jasper.

"Well Emmett was pissing everyone off with his pranks," Alice chimed. I did sort of understand why they had intensified, but I nodded my head anyway. It had to be hard for Emmett to be stuck here in the middle of nowhere waiting for it to be safe for me to venture back into human territory again.

"And Rose was being a bigger bitch than she normally is."

Everyone stared me.

"What? She was. Don't tell me you didn't notice it."

Alice giggled. "Oh we noticed it. It's just a shock to hear it come from your mouth."

I smirked and crossed my arms. "As opposed to some of the stuff that was coming out of my mouth few moments ago?"

Everyone laughed.

"So how did this plan come about?" Carlisle asked. We had told everyone on a need to know basis. Only Alice, Edward and I knew the full plan.

"Well Alice told me that we'd be stuck here for a week due to a massive blizzard."

"Alice we can still get into town if we need to. Blizzard or no blizzard," Carlisle told her.

Alice huffed. "Yes but your clothes will be ruined."

I shook my head and watched as Edward walked over to the armchair and flung himself into it. I turned back to Carlisle.

"Anyway I told her I doubted I could handle being holed up with Emmett for a whole week, and we needed a plan to get him out of our hair for awhile."

Edward motioned for me to join him. I bounced over to him and flung myself into his open arms. He hugged me tightly, and I sighed.

"And that's when Bella came up with the Bella and Edward porno show," Alice said giggling. I rolled my eyes and laughed when I noticed Edward doing it as well.

"Yes well it did seem perfect considering his snide remarks about our sex life were getting worse."

Edward's hand was making slow circles of my lower back and I relaxed into it.

"Are you okay, love?" he murmured. He was asking if I was embarrassed by our little show.

I giggled. "Well I was shy at the beginning but surprisingly it was very fun.

He nodded smiling widely at me. He looked over at Alice.

"Well we sure showed them. How long are they going to be away for?"

Alice's eyes faded a little and then her face broke out into a huge grin.

"Eight weeks," she proclaimed.

_Eight weeks!!! Score!_

The End!


End file.
